Updated Tourist Guide To Kenya


Kenya is a beautiful country in East Africa. It borders Al-Shabab militia to the East, island grabbers to the West and the Oromo Liberation Front guerrillas to the North.

LANGUAGES:
There are 42 native dialects in Kenya. English & Swahili are the official language. Politicians and drunkards are also known to talk dirty.If you want to charm the locals there are some Kiswahili words to learn. One of course is 'jambo' which is basically a greeting.The other word is 'pumbavu'. Use it if the porter loses your luggage.

POPULATION:
Despite the discovery of the fossils of early man in various places across the country,all Kenyans are Homo sapiens. The population is currently estimated to be 38m. Thus there are 37,999,738 tax payers & 222 tax evaders. There are people there who would be happy to separate you from your money, but it would be by imposing the 'tourist price' for there precious goods and services, rather than at the point of gun. There are several beautiful attention seeking divas and men, feel free to accept beautiful company.

EDUCATION:
The system of education in Kenya is the 8-4-4.Learners spend 8yrs in primary school, 4yrs in high schools & at least 4yrs in rehab. Some of the well know highschools include: Maranda, Starch(Fultime shorterians) ,Bushmen & Bush ladies(Khoisan) ,Mase(All rounders), Mangu, Boma, Kotet, Changez & Patch... Yes education is free in primary & at KCPE,a national exam that determines which school every pupil will proceed to do their rioting.

WEATHER:
The patterns are not
extreme, but to be on the safe side there are various methods u can use to predict weather. If you see women with polythene bags on their heads, it is raining.If u find people skipping lunch,the its a dry time of the month.

SPORTS:
Kenya is a sporting country & has produced a sizable number of world runners. Boxing and chair throwing are also popular among the Councillors.

TRANSPORT:
Kenyans drive on the left side of the road. During end of the month when the petrol tanks are full, the morning rush hour in Nairobi starts at 6a.m to noon. The evening rush hour starts at noon to around 9p.m in the evening. Friday rush is especially bad-starts on Thursday evening. Please enjoy there Thika Super Highway.

WORK ETHICS:
Kenyans are generally a hardworking people . If you visit any office its important to maintain silence so that office workers can give maximum concentration to their Facebook.
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